lian adopts words: "fuck" and "cigarettes"

The Orphanage marks its first adoption in, uh, the longest time with a double adoption, this time of two of our more, shall we say, unruly words: "fuck" and "cigarettes". How exactly do you copulate with tightly rolled wads of tobacco, I leave to your imagination: suffice to say that our foster parent this time around is female, and I certainly hope her surgeon did a good enough job to pass off as anatomically accurate on first sight at least.

(Editor's Note: We were supposed to start off this post in epic iambic pentameter, but ah well- so much for ambition.)

Words adopted so far: a asphyxiate adopt blood cigarettes coffee conflagration diarrhea english eucalyptus fuck god-with-a-capital-g hello incensed insatiable life love lovelorn mother muffin pompous rainbow reticence scantily speed gerbera gonorrhea yogurt

SChnup adopts a word: "fuzzy"

This time, we at the Orphanage did something different. That's right, we let the adoptee write his own piece! Take it away, Schnuppy.

I'm going to adopt 'fuzzy', as in 'fuzzy dork'. I considered dork, too, but there was really no contest. Adjectives are so much more fun to use; they add flavor to subsequent words.

Fuzzy can mean several things; unclear, furry, downy, hairy, nebulous etc., but my interpretation is usually in conjunction with 'dork', i.e., the famous cute fuzzy dorks that I'm forever mentioning on #poetry. Everyone's probably puzzled at the abstractness of using such a phrase to describe cute boys, but let me try to clear it up here. 'Fuzzy' in this case refers to the kind of hair that you get after you go to the barber, and it grows back, sort of like stubble, or the greyness that shows through the skin after you shave. I just think it's cute. It's.....probably a gay thing.

Then again, everyone (except those who are allergic) likes touching nice fuzzy downy surfaces: fur on pets, velvety blankets, peaches, fine downy hair on other people... especially on cute dorks!

So, I hope this word is preserved long after the language has morphed beyond recognition to current speakers/users, because it has come to mean a lot more to me over the years than just plain... peach fuzz.

Words adopted so far: a asphyxiate adopt blood coffee conflagration diarrhea english eucalyptus god-with-a-capital-g hello incensed insatiable life love lovelorn mother muffin pompous rainbow reticence scantily speed gerbera gonorrhea yogurt

Eugene adopts a word: "god-with-a-capital-g"

"Happiness is found in the middle of a bagel." - Tea 2:26

"Let he who has not enjoyed a pretzel cast the first cheese." - Cheese 8:7


Have you accepted Jeff as your personal bagel?


Disclaimer: "god-with-a-capital-g", as far as the Orphanage knows, is not a real word. Although it should be.

Words adopted so far: a asphyxiate adopt blood coffee conflagration diarrhea english eucalyptus god-with-a-capital-g hello incensed insatiable life love lovelorn mother muffin pompous rainbow reticence scantily speed gerbera gonorrhea yogurt

Glenn adopts a word: "pompous"

This is pomp.

Words adopted so far: a asphyxiate adopt blood coffee conflagration diarrhea english eucalyptus hello incensed insatiable life love lovelorn mother muffin pompous rainbow reticence scantily speed gerbera gonorrhea yogurt

Clarence adopts a word: "incensed"

Steve, another friend of mine and myself have created the ultimate drink to commerate his 21st year of existence in this vale of tears and sorrow. If life is nothing more than a play, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing, then this drink must be the deus ex machina of the theatre, the nom de plume of the eponymous scriptwriter in this Greek tragedy.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you... the E-21 (pronounced "estel-two-one").

1 part whiskey
3 parts coffee
Add milk to taste


Now you might think that this is the recipe to Irish Coffee, and indeed you would be correct, for this was how the E-21 so innocently started out. But as the shadows of that fateful night grew longer, and the darkness melted into penumbra of reality, the potent cocktail of sleep depreviation plus caffeine exploded...

1 glass of Irish Coffee
1/4 bottle of Tobasco sauce
1 part watered down watermelon juice
1 part green tea ice-cream
1 part green tea
1 part chicken chowder stew
1 part toasted bread crumbs


Tear toast into little little bite-sized chunks before throwing them into said-connoction. Add copious amounts of Tobasco, stir with metal spoon (general surgeon warning: non-metallic spoons may dissolve). Allow bread to simper and soak up all the goodness. Prepare shot of tequila. Grin at birthday boy.

It gets worse as times goes by, and the coffee's tannic acid starts to seep into the mix the longer you let it sit. The arcid stink of the drink begins to get so bad that it makes a very powerful deterrent to people sitting in the same cafe as yourself, and you start to draw really weird stares. You will also probably suffer terribly kharmic consequences for inflicting this upon any living creature, but oh Shiva! was it worth it?

Hell yeah.

Words adopted so far: a asphyxiate adopt blood coffee conflagration diarrhea english eucalyptus hello incensed insatiable life love lovelorn mother muffin rainbow reticence scantily speed gerbera gonorrhea yogurt

Dee adopts a word: "lovelorn"

Sonnet 138, Shakespeare

When my love swears that she is made of truth
I do believe her, though I know she lies,
That she might think me some untutor'd youth,
Unlearned in the world's false subtleties.
Thus vainly thinking that she thinks me young,
Although she knows my days are past the best,
Simply I credit her false speaking tongue:
On both sides thus is simple truth suppress'd.
But wherefore says she not she is unjust?
And wherefore say not I that I am old?
O, love's best habit is in seeming trust,
And age in love loves not to have years told:
Therefore I lie with her and she with me,
And in our faults by lies we flatter'd be.

Words adopted so far: a asphyxiate adopt blood coffee conflagration diarrhea english eucalyptus hello insatiable life love lovelorn mother muffin rainbow reticence scantily speed gerbera gonorrhea yogurt

Scottie adopts a word: "love"

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." -Steve


It's cheesy as hell, but someone's got to do it. Might as well be her.

-sighs.

Words adopted so far: a asphyxiate adopt blood coffee conflagration diarrhea english eucalyptus hello insatiable life love mother muffin rainbow reticence scantily speed gerbera gonorrhea yogurt

Din adopts a word: "scantily"

I knew she was trouble the moment she walked in the door. Brunette, with a body to die for scantily clad in a red trenchcoat and a face that I last saw carved in light through the stained glass window of a Roman cathedral. I stepped into that church a sinner, and I stepped out of it three shots richer: one shot lead, and the other two bourbon.

They call me the Director. The Clockwork Director. God made me an uglyass mother, but Don Venucci decided he liked me better with a new smile carved from a broken beer bottle. I paid him back full for the favour, of course: payback's a bitch, but there it is. Last I heard, he wasn't Don no more, and when the wind blows right his asshole still whistles the theme song to a Western.

My best buds are Jack (Daniels) and Jim (Beam), but there ain't nothing like Martha in a spot. After all, like they say, a man's got his friends, but when push comes to shove he's only got his dick on a stick. And ain't that the truth. .357, with a mouth that her mother wouldn't kiss- the dirty sonofabitch that she is- but with a heart made of a Magnum core and a jacketed hollow point.

Words adopted so far: a asphyxiate adopt blood coffee conflagration diarrhea english eucalyptus hello insatiable life mother muffin rainbow reticence scantily speed gerbera gonorrhea yogurt

leap adopts a word: "coffee"

I like my women like I like my coffee. In a cup.

Words adopted so far: a asphyxiate adopt blood coffee conflagration diarrhea english eucalyptus hello insatiable life mother muffin rainbow reticence speed gerbera gonorrhea yogurt